Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. - William Butler Yeats
------------------------There is such a short time until I'm on my final semester in university. In 6 weeks, I will have finished out this semester and transitioned from pre-service to intern. After January 3 I will be teaching within the school district. I don't have my palcement yet (which is making me a little crazy), but I'll be getting it soon enough.
Until then, I still have to pass this semester, which this past week I felt like I wouldn't. I suffer from anxiety. Anxiety about school, about work, about family, about relationships. I treat each day as an emergency and unfortunately it has taken its toll. I am constantly tired. My weight fluctuates like crazy. I'm depressed. I have mood swings. And sometimes I can't breathe.
Wow...I've never written that before. I can't believe I'm sharing this because I feel such shame in admitting I even have this problem. I'm not suppose to feel this way, to have this disability. But that's my pschye for you; already stressed and then I get stressed about being stressed. Ridiculous.
Ridicoulous is exactly what I have to focus on. As my psychologist (another thing I can't believe I'm admitting to) says "I don't deserve to feel this way." I have mantras which I'm to say over and over, specifically "This is not an emergency." They actually do help.
Saying that, this week got away from me. It was my own fault. I have a bad habit of procrastination (doesn't go so great with the anxiety). But I had 4 huge assignments due this week all within a three day time: a write-up of my education case study, a 7-15 page piece for non-fiction, a complete reading strategies lesson, and a 4-6 page paper in American Lit (which has one of the hardest professor I've had). So when Sunday came, I started to hyperventilate. But with the training and focus I've been working on, I was able to execute a plan of attack. I made a schedule and I stuck to it. With this tool in hand I got each part done without having a complete breakdown.
This has taught me two things: scheduling out my time helps me to focus on my assignments and realizing my capabilities helps me to complete my work confidently.
I hope that what you, my dear readers, take away from this is that 1) Life is NOT an emergency, and 2) You can complete what you put your mind to.