Babbling About Books - A Little Reading Q&A for the New Year

First, I'd like to apologize; I know I've been in and out of things here on Eli to the nth, and I really don't have an excuse other than life happens. I've been clocking in the hours at my full-time job, so this volunteer and fun job got put on the back burner.

To start out I'm going to get back in the groove of thinking, writing, eating, breathing books with this really awesome survey I found at Eve's Fan Garden. I love doing these surveys, and I hope some of you do it too!  There will be reviews coming, so please bear with me; the content is coming again, I promise! :)

1. Favorite childhood book?

My favorite childhood book changes in the expanse of my childhood. When I was really little I loved Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown and Clement Hurd. I couldn't get enough of that book. My parents and I would spend an hour saying goodnight to everything in my room just like in the book. Then as I got older (5-7) I devoured The Berenstain Bears series by Stan and Jan Berenstain.  When my little brother was born, my parents got me The Berenstain Bears and the New Baby just so I could relate to what I was about to go through!  I had so many of them, and I still love them now!    

2. What are you reading right now?

I am currently reading: it changes constantly!  While 2015 was a sloooooow reading year for me, I still read all over the place genre-wise.  Of course, the books are 99.99% YA.  YA is bae.  But I am enjoying the hell out of the Throne of Glass series by Sarah J. Maas!  I don't know why I waited so long to devour these books!

3. What books do you have on request at the library?

Here's the thing about me and the library: I have a problem with returning my library books on time. After the 50th time of this happening I've put a personal band on myself. This is really funny considering I have a degree in Library and Information Sciences. I'm a librarian who can't even check out books from the library.

4. Bad book habit?

If I'm reading books I personally own, I have a tendency to write in them. This is an unfortunate habit left over from my undergraduate days as an English lit major. We have to explicate everything, so it is just automatic for me. If it's not my book then I have the bad habit of not returning them on time (I never want to let any books go!)

5. What do you currently have checked out at the library?

Nada (see #3)

6. Do you have an e-reader?

I use to have a Nook Color, but we all know what happened to that e-reader.  I much prefer a hardcopy anyway.  I love the smell, weight, and texture of a real book.  Nothing can replace it, even for convenience sake.

7. Do you prefer to read one book at a time, or several at once?

I read several books at once. This usually happens because if I get a new book I have to start reading it! Right now I'm reading six books, and starting three reviews. I also have like 100 books in my TBR list. It's a problem.

8. Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog?

My reading habits continually fluctuate, and I wouldn't say it's due to my blog.  I've always been a reader, but with college my reading became more discerning.  I read not only for pleasure now, but I also analyze books more closely.  But I suppose there is a change due to blogging, just because I don't always get to choose when I read certain books, especially if they are specifically for review purposes.

9. Least favorite book you read this year (so far)?

I'm going to go with 2015 since I've only read 3 book so far in 2016.  Out of all the books I read in 2015, I only had one Did Not Finish: One Thing Stolen by Beth Kephart.  The premise sounded intriguing, and I got the book for review, but I just could not get through it.  The style of writing was strange, and it was confusing right away.  I think that might have been the point, but I just could not get into it at all. 

10. Favorite book you’ve read this year?

Again, looking at 2015, hands down, no question about it, Uprooted by Naomi Novak was my FAVORITE BOOK! Maybe not even of the year, but Top Ten ever!  It was such an amazing book, full of intriguing characters, beautifully built settings, and a non-stop engaging plot.  If you like fantasy even a tiny bit, then you must get a copy of Uprooted!

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Let's Talk Slumps

Adventure Time

I have been in a real reading slump since late 2014.  Yes that's right, 2014.  For a book blogger and a life-long reader, this long of a slump is really defeating.  This isn't to say I haven't read any books.  I definitely have read quite a few over the last year and a half (I even managed to review most of them :O).  But the volume of my reading and the enjoyment I get from reading has taken a slow descent.

I can pretty much pin point where the slump started and when it got really bad.  In January 2014, I was promoted at my job.  This job, in general, is my first "big girl" job.  It's a full-time career with the potential for continued growth.  It's in a field I find fascinating, but is also full of high stress situations.  And when I got my promotion, I had only been working in my previous position for 6 months.  So I felt more pressure to "perform". This led to me being very stressed and tired at the end of each day; I had no desire to do anything, let alone read.

Luckily, I was still in graduate school and that required me to read as I was getting my degree in Library Science.  Yay, a reason (beyond wanting to, because at this point that wasn't a good motivator) to read YA/Children's lit.  This had me on a good path; not as productive as previous years, but still reading. Then two major things happened: (1) I graduated from graduate school; and (2) I got my second promotion to a Team Manager, which is essentially being one of the bosses in my office.  This led to almost a complete halt on my reading.

I'm not exaggerating that I have so far only read 4 full books this year, when in the past I well surpassed 50.  This has led to me being in a slight depression, further fueling my lack of passion for reading.  It's been a whole big mess, but I think I'm finally coming out of it.

I know I'm not the only one out there who has felt the same, so I thought of some things that have helped me deal with this, and have finally turned it around.

1. Mix Up the Genres - I typically read young adult, and a lot of sci-fi/fantasy within that umbrella.  However, I mixed it up, and not only changed genres but also switched "age levels" moving to adult fiction.  I read more magical realism and contemporary fiction with some suspense thrown in.  Now that I "cleansed" my palette, I'm ready for young adult again.

2. Re-Read Favorites - I have three books that I consider my go-to favorites: Sandry's Book (Circle of Magic, #1) by Tamora Pierce, Searching for Dragons (Enchanted Forest Chronicles, #2) by Patricia Wrede, and Hard Love by Ellen Wittlinger.  I can re-read each of these books, and they bring me to my happy place.

3. Change Up the Visuals - Comic books were a big thing for me at the end of last year; my sister has always been a big collector, but now that we both have steady, well-paying jobs, comics have become a thing for me too.  I love sharing this with my sister, and I know that comic books count towards reading, but when I talk about my slump I strictly mean traditional books.  I've been devouring comics like crazy actually, which I think has helped jumpstart me on the path back to reading books.

4. Plan a Time to Read - Scheduling reading time has really gotten me back on track.  I know it may seem weird to make it an action item for my day, but I work really well with structure and I'm use to reading for school.  So I make a point of having a designated reading time each day where, no matter what, I read.  It can be for 5 minutes or it can go for two hours (depends on the book), but I end up reading each day.

5. Remember That Reading is Fun - This is the most important  piece of advice I took for myself.  I had to remember how much I like to read and why.  One of the MAJOR ways I am doing this is that I, along with one of my good friends Erin who blogs at Uniquely Geeky Girl, started a book club.  It's called Gone with the Book Club, and it focuses on YA books.  I'm really excited about it because while I can obviously geek out over books with all of you and on social media, doing the whole community building, face-to-face thing is something I miss.

So there you have it, my woe is me reading slump tale.  I'm trying to get back into the swing of things not only with my reading, but also with my blogging.  Hopefully I succeed and I'm back to the Eli you all know and love.

If you've ever experienced a book slump, let me know in the comments what you did to snap yourself out and hopefully if you're in a slump, my suggestions can help a little!

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TFAT: Bookish Questions

Just for fun, I thought I'd answer a few Bookish Questions.  I love these kinds of things, so I encourage everyone to complete them as well and link your posts in the comments!

Question #1: Do you have a certain place at home for reading?
       I have a armchair in the corner of my bedroom with a drafting table, that's kind of my little reading nook/computer nook.  The drafting table is a portable one, so I can fold it up to store it away and just curl up in my chair.  It's a nice quiet place to read. But I can read anywhere.

Question #2: Bookmark or a random piece of paper?
       I have a pretty good bookmark collection, but I don't always remember to stick one in my current book.  When that happens, I'll use anything, but most often it's a receipt dug out of my wallet.

Question #3: Can you stop reading anytime you want or do you have to stop at a certain page, chapter, part, etc.?
       If I'm really into a book I won't want to stop, but I can stop anywhere.  I don't have a particular place or requirement.

Question #4: Do you eat or drink while reading?

       I'll have a drink nearby, but I rarely eat anything while reading; I wouldn't want to get the pages all dirty.  I also make people who borrow my books follow this rule too.

Question #5: Can you read while listening to music/watching TV?

       If I'm reading for school sometimes I have to have silence, but if I'm reading for fun, other noise doesn't bother me.  I zone all the things around me out, and if I can't that usually means I just can't get into a book.     

Question #6: One book at a time, or several at once?

       I have several going at once, otherwise I'd never get any read!     

Question #7: Reading at home or everywhere?

       I read all the places!  I always have a book in my bag because if I'm waiting for anything I whip it out.

Question #8: Reading out loud or silently in your head?

       Reading aloud bothers me to no end, unless it's poetry.

Question #9: Do you read ahead or skip pages?

       I am an awful read the last page/last chapter person.  But it never bothers me, because it is the journey I love.

     
Question #10: Breaking the spine or keeping it new?

       I try my hardest to keep it new, unless I own a couple copies then I break the spine like crazy!  Or if I'm reading an ARC (unless it's a signed ARC), then I don't care as much.

Question #11: Do you write in books?

       If I have multiple copies, if it's for school, if it's a line I can't get out of my head.

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Thoughts From an Acute Triangle: Getting Over the Blogging Blues

Thoughts from an Acute Triangle is a feature where I discuss things related to books, authors, reading, or just me.  This is a place for me to be a little brainy or a little silly.  The conversation is always open for comments and if there is ever a topic you want me to discuss, please leave a comment!

I've been in a slump lately. For a couple months now in fact. I've been in a blogging slump. I haven't really posted consistently, or really commented on anyone else's posts. I've been feeling apathetic and drained. This has made me sad, which in turn made me even less likely to post. But at the same time I have loved this time. A time where I didn't feel obligated or trapped. I could read whatever I wanted and really enjoy reading agin. But it became a vicious cycle, and I've been slowly trying to rally. I love book blogging, even if it's only for myself. I want to continue doing it.

Writing this post is helping.  Just writing something about books, even if it never makes it on the blog, has been helping.  I posted my first Waiting on Wednesday in over 3 months yesterday (click the link to see it!).  Before that I had sporadic posts: a new bookshelf tour, asking for help with book reviews for The Florida English Journal, and three Blog Tour Stops.  But, hopefully, moving forward I ca get back in the swing of things.

So to gather some techniques, I went to that all-encompassing, vast repository of knowledge: Google.  And I googled "How to get out of a blogging rut".  Here's some helpful sites I found.

• The SITSgirls offer these 5 gems to help you out.
• Tiny Buddha offers wise words for all you rut needs.
• A Quirky Girl offers these quirky tips
• Brand Camp offers some building blocks to dig you out of the rut.

And as I've come through the other side with some bright eyes and bushy tails, I offer this nugget: It is okay to be selfish. It is okay to take a break. It is okay to stop doing something. It is okay to start again. It is okay to still love patiently. And it is okay if you're a little scared. Take a step in a direction and commit.

So I'm committing again.  I took a break, which turned into a three month long selfish claiming of time.  But I've taken a step back and realized that I love this, and I'm going to keep doing it.  Even if I'm a little scared that I'm going to fail again.  But nothing tried, is nothing gained.

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Poetry Sunday (19)

This is a fabulous blog feature here at Eli to the nth! Poetry is one of my passions, but I often don't have an opportunity to share that passion. This feature gives me the perfect opportunity to do so! Thanks to Genna from Reading, Writing, and the World of Words, who created this awesome feature and gave me the permission to host it here, as well as, use her graphic!

In honor of Easter, and as a preamble to National Poetry Month starting on April 1st, I bring you a nice Easter poem.  It is religious in nature, just to warn you.  I don't set out to offend.

Let Your God Love You
by Edwina Gateley

Be silent.
Be still.
Alone.
Empty
Before your God.
Say nothing.
Ask nothing.
Be silent.
Be still.
Let your God look upon you.
That is all.
God knows.
God understands.
God loves you
With an enormous love,
And only wants
To look upon you
With that love.
Quiet.
Still.
Be.

Let your God—
Love you.

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For those of you who celebrate, I hope your Easter is a joyous one filled with Christ's love.  For those of you who do not, I hope that your day is a joyous one filled with love.  

Happy Easter my lovely followers!

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Did You Miss Me?

I've been away.  I don't know if anyone noticed because I was kind of posting on and off over the last couple weeks.  I have been really busy with university and with some personal family things.

But, I'm back for the long run, and will start ramping up to full speed within the next few weeks.  I hope to have some new content and new reviews up!  That's the one thing I'm really working on; I am so behind on reviews and I feel really guilty to all the amazing authors!  So I need to do that!

Let me know what's been going on in you neck of the woods!  I try to keep up, but I've barely been online.  So let me know new books you're loving, giveaways you're having, and reviews you've written!  And as we say in my hometown, don't forget to be awesome!

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Winter Break To Be Read List

I have a pretty (at least for me) hefty TBR list for this coming week. Hopefully I can get through some of the books before the new year!  Are there any books you're trying to read this break?

From What I Remember

172 Hours on the Moon

Pretty Crooked

Tempest

Don't Turn Around

The Obsidian Blade

The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer

Fathomless

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Elisquared's Christmas Wants!

Since I've been doing some holiday gift guides for book lovers, it got me in the mood to list some of my Christmas wants!  This is just some things that I've been hinting to my family and friends for, and hopefully they'll be waiting under the Christmas tree for me on the 25th!

Jewelry:

Mini Galaxy Locket (How flippin gorgeous?)

Initial Necklace (I may buy this for myself!)

Silver Ampersand Necklace (An ampersand is this: &; and I want it!)
Tentacle Ear Wrap (It's like an octopus is hugging my ear!)

Clothing:

Spoiled! Shirt (Every time I see this I laugh!)
Toasty (Luke & Ingrid are my FAVORITE Youtubers, and I want this shirt!)
Fail Whale Shirt (Look out below!)
George Orwell's 1984 Shirt (I love Out of Print Clothing!  The shirts have classic book covers on them!)

Posters/Artwork:

Florida Typography Map (One of the few I've ever seen!)
Audrey Hepburn Quote (I love how girly this is; would get it in hot pink!)
e. e. cummings Quote (One of my favorite poets, this is perfect.)
I'm the Motherf*cking Fox. (One of my favorite John Green quotes.)

Home/Office:

Constellation Throw Pillow (I want to lay on the stars.)
Ladies Just Wanna Doodle Notebook Pack (I can't get enough notebooks!)
Classic Book Cover Coaster Set (I'm just loving all of Out of Print's Products!)
The Hunger Games Bookends (I need these in my life.)

I could go on and on, but I'm sure you all have better things to read.  Hopefully I've given you some interesting suggestions for the Holiday Season, and have a happy one!

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Eli to the nth is 2 YEARS OLD!

Today marks my 2nd Blogoversary, and I can't be more blown away looking back through the year.

Some of my favorite books I read this year:

• Bittersweet by Sarah Ockler
• The Difference Between You & Me by Madeleine George
• Fairy Bad Day by Amanda Ashby
• I Hunt Killers by Barry Lyga
• Once a Witch by Carolyn MacCullough
• Purity by Jackson Pearce
• Revived by Cat Patrick
• Ruby Red by Kerstin Gier
• The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight by Jennifer E. Smith

Some of my favorite posts this year:

• How John Green Changed My Classroom
• John Green Week: The Pretty Covers
• Things That Make Me Smile: The Hunger Games Edition
• Thoughts from an Acute Triangle: Book to Movie Adaptations
• The Hunger Games: In Review
• An Intro to Billy Collins
• Happy Mother's Day
• New Bookshelf Tour
• Judging a Book by It's Cover
• Thoughts from an Acute Triangle: DNF Reviews: Yay or Nay?
• Thoughts from an Acute Triangle: New Adult: the New Genre on the Block
• Happy Banned Books Week
• Banned Books Week: The Quotes
• Banned Books Week: The Videos
• Banned Books Week: The Articles
• Dear Teen Me Blog Tour: The Letter to Teen Eli

I hope you've had as much fun as I had this year.  I'm excited for the next year, and am glad you're along for the ride!  Here's to two more years!!

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HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

On this day of thanks I felt I would list who/what I am thankful for.  But before we get to that, have a history lesson on Thanksgiving by the History Channel.

And now here is who/what I am thankful for:

My family:

• My sister, Melissa - She is always there for me, each day every day.  I wouldn't be here without her.  She is my rock, my friend, the person I judge myself by.
• My father, David - He is my champion.  He believes I can do anything, even when I'm screaming I can't.  I am engulfed in his love, and he makes my world feel safe.
• My mother, Michele - I am just like her: smart, stubborn, emotional, righteous, strong.  I take my strong sense of self from her and I hope I am as great of a woman.
• My brother, Raymond - He is the light in my life.  I can't imagine my life without him; I can't imagine a day where I don't get to see or hear about him growing up.  He is going to be a fantastic man one day.
• My puppy, Jeb - He is my baby, my everything.  I rescued him, but at the same time he has rescued me.  He is just a little fur ball of love!

My friends:

• Kaylynn - I've known her since we were babies.  We've gone through birthdays, homecomings, graduations, and soon-to-be marriages together.  I am so happy she has found such a great man to be with, and that I am one of her Bridesmaids!
• Apryl - 7th grade she came into my life in Home Economics.  She knows EVERYTHING about me and I know the same about her.  She is my sister from a different mister.
• Katy - I wouldn't be surviving college without this girl.  Because of an ex-friend I have one of my best friends.  I love her so much.
• Desi - I've only known her for 2 years now, but she is a bright spot in my day.  Always able to make me laugh, she is like a younger sister to me.
• David - I met him around the same time as Desi (it helps that they're best friends), but he is my Deputy Mayor.  David is my intellectual soul mate and I love him.

My Job:

• Financial Aid - This job came into my life at just the right time.  I was working in a dead end position, but now I've found people and work that I actually care about.  I am so thankful for this opportunity.

My blog

• Eli to the nth - With my 2 year blogoversary coming up this Sunday, I am so happy to have had such an amazing experience!  All of my followers make it enjoyable for me to keep going, I have had some cool opportunities, and I have read some terrific books!  Can't wait 

I hope you've all had an amazing Thanksgiving and leave me a comment about what you're thankful for.

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WOAH! THANK YOU!! YOU ROCK!

I've hit the big

That's right I've got 800 followers!  THANK YOU SO MUCH!  It's because of all of you that I've kept going for the past 2 years!  Going into my 3rd year with 800 of you following me is not too shabby at all!

I'm hoping with the new year, I can get more awesome things for the blog.  And again, I can't thank you enough!

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Dear Teen Me Blog Tour: The Letter To Teen Eli!

I'm wrapping up my week of posts for the Dear Teen Me Blog Tour.  It's been such fun to promote this book!  I really believe this is an anthology that will do a lot of good for teens.  To end this week, I thought it would be fitting to write a letter to my teenage self.  So without further  ado:

Dear Teen Eli,

Hey Eli, it's the end of junior year right now and you're starting to get ready for college applications.  The stress is building up, and you're relapsing.  The first thing I have to say is breathe.  Just take a deep breath.  Done?  Good.  Now pick up the phone and dial Melissa.  She is the best sister, and will always be there to talk you down.

Okay, now that you're breathing easier, you can focus.  Obviously applying to college is an important undertaking.  This does determine what your future holds.  But it's only one aspect, and let me tell you, it is a tiny piece of the puzzle.  You are going to be accepted into every university you apply to (which includes Sarah Lawrence; wooh!), and all of them will offer you a scholarship.  So really it'll be your choice (except Sarah Lawrence; boo!) of which one you attend.  So there's one load of your mind.  Just breathe and remember you kick academic ass!

Now I have some sucky news, this anxiety thing isn't going away anytime soon.  It may even get worse; but what I can tell is you will always survive it.  But you can't do it alone.  I know you're trying to do that now; soldier through the constant shortness of breath, the revolving what-ifs, the worsening predictions of failure.  It won't work.  When Apryl tells you to go talk to someone, listen.  Your best friend is pretty smart.  Help will be something you're going to have to seek out for the foreseeable future.  But these doctors are smart, and will each help you further to serenity.

Eli, you've got a tough road ahead kid.  It'll be a constant up and down, but lucky for you your support system is top notch.  Family, friends and doctors: each help in their own way.  But remember your biggest supporter is yourself.  You're amazing girl, you just need to breathe.

All the love in the world,
                                   Eli

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And.....

I'M BACK!

At least I hope so!  I am trying to juggle grad school full-time and a new job, so my posts may be very inconsistent!  I am also trying to read inbetween all the many things I must do, so please be patient while I get back to speed!

In the mean time, check out my 500+ FOLLOWERS GIVEAWAYS!!  (see how I use shiny giveaways to distract from my poor blogging?)

I have THREE giveaways for my amazing followers, all of which are located on the right sidebar of my blog.  There are two giveaways a piece for each US and INT followers!  Gotta show my love for everyone!

I am really going to try to pick up my posts, dust off my reviews, and get back to business!

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500 Followers Giveaway!

As soon as the giveaway goes up on September 1st, I'll post a link here and on the front page of my blog.  I really would love any suggestions you all have, and please know I appreciate you so much!! 

Thank you for sticking around, and always being awesome!

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I Love Books, Don't You?

We Love Books Tag

Started by RyanReadsBooks

What one book from your collection would you keep if all the rest had to be thrown out or taken away? (just one book!)

Each time you read, do you like to have something to munch on or to drink next to you?

Love of books: when did it start and what was one of the first books that you read?

One book you would never go back and re-read ever?

Very romantic or very full of action?

End of a book: cliffhanger or no cliffhanger?

Big books or small books?

Only one genre or a mixture?

Olden day books, present day, or future? (Victorian era type books, present day, or dystopian type books)

Katniss or Hermione?

Stand alone or Series?

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May Recommendations

My monthly recommendations of books, movies, tv, music, and misc. that I've been loving!

Goodreads:

Bittersweet

S.A.S.S. series

Movies IMDb:

The Avengers

Battleship

Television IMDb:

Community

Teen Wolf

iTunes Pages:

Back in Time by Pitbull

It's Time by Imagine Dragons

Love Interruption by Jack White

Etc:

Twistbands

Ramune Soda

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I'm Taking a Break!

Hey my lovely readers!  I unfortunately have to go on a teeny hiatus as university is kicking my butt, and I am super behind in reviews!  But don't despair, I will be back in two weeks with (hopefully ; )) more content for all of you!

Thanks for sticking around and making my blog better!  Don't forget to be awesome!

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April Recommendations!

Here are my recommendations for books, movies, tv, music, and etc 

for the month of April.  

If you want to participate, leave a link to your post in the comments!

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Books Goodreads:
Pink Smog by Francesca Lia Block
The Last Princess by Galaxy Craze - My Review 
I Hunt Killers by Barry Lyga

Movies IMDb:
Iron Man
Iron Man 2 
The Incredible Hulk 
Thor
Captain America: The First Avenger

Television IMDb:
2 Broke Girls
Million Dollar Listing NY

Music iTunes:
Everybody Talks by Neon Trees
Some Nights by Fun. 
Payphone by Maroon 5 feat. Wiz Kalifa

Etc Links:
Minnie Mouse Ears
Yes to Blueberries Facial Towelettes
Nail Polish Palettes (ummm get some plastic?)
Scarf (From The Avenue, but out of season)

FTC Disclaimer:
All the items shown I have either bought or gotten as a gift. None of the companies/producers/brands mentioned are paying me for this video or even know their items may be shown. All opinions are my own and this is a 100% non-sponsored video.

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Rounding out the NPM Celebration with My Poetry

For the last installment of National Poetry Month here at Eli to the nth, I thought I'd share some of my own poetry.  Most of my poetry has to do with personal things, such as family, friends, and myself, so the fact that I'm sharing it here is a huge step.  Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and try not to be too harsh on me, I get enough of that from editors and my writing group!


I AM FROM

I am from blankets made out of long worn clothes,
from televisions, CCD classes and home-cooked meals.
I'm from the suburbs, (but every house has character),
From ice cream trucks and the neighborhood watch,
And the three oaks standing tall in the front yard,
growing as my sister grows, as I grow, as my brother grows.

I am from the blessing of the baskets and midnight mass.
From Michele and David, Blanche and Raymond.
I’m from kisses on the mouth and constant teasing.
From enveloping hugs and spanks on the butt.
From Melissa’s shadow, from the middle of three.
I’m from “Don’t talk to strangers!” and “You're so sensitive.",
"Kocham Cię." and "Malutka.", and “Our Fathers”
followed by “Hail Marys”.

I am from Poland, not by blood but family;
the home my dziadkowie speak of so often.
From Gołąbki, Kiełbasa, and Placki ziemniaczane
(with the occasional pot roast and pizza.)
I'm from the struggle of indentured servants
trying to earn their freedom, but never reaching it.
Keeping their traditions alive through
a hand-written recipe book, a cast-iron mold,
and a gilt-edged Bible.

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Main Interest?

It was me, but
I was being naïve,
I couldn’t keep you,
too dazed by love to see it.

I want to whisper take me back,
But I avoid you because then,
then I can pretend.
Then I can be selfish.

Illusions have a habit of breaking.

===========================

Cake Stuffing 

I want to scream until my lungs,

traveling upupup my trachea,

burst out of my mouth.

Then I’ll gulp them back down while I

Breathe deep– inhale the perfume,

like a vacuum, the smog. And

keep all my words (each fucking one)

inside, hidden in a pink, withahintofgrey,

membrane (unfortunate left over from my smoker days)

But

If there is one thing I’ve learned

(have I learned?) is that

re-heated spaghetti tastes terrible coming back up.

You probably think this is all a big

joke-farce-travesty

waste of time.

And maybe when it matters it is

(because levity is my only medicine),

but I digress, and digress, and digress, and digress, and digress, and digress, and digress

Back to hiding, eating, retreating—

My words, thoughts, feelings.

I do what any fat girl does: stuff them down 

with cake.

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